Coming Out Blue in a Black and White World
by MathBlade
Summary: Gail struggles with who or what she is to Holly internally. She continues to try to find words but she can't. With her prior boyfriends it was easy, now it's hard...She never worried about saying the wrong thing. But what happens when the wrong thing could hurt more than just you? More than one chapter, time permitting. Rated T for now but may change if the story goes that way.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I own no piece of Rookie Blue or any of the rights etc. This is meant purely for the entirely for the entertainment of the reader. Any reproduction of this story without the express, written permission of the author is prohibited. There is also no intended copyright of any works owned by ABC/Global.

This is also my first work of fan fiction published for the world to see, so please leave feedback that is specific towards what you do and don't like so I can learn. This will also contain a love story between two women, so if that is not your thing/against your religion, please do not post that here as this story is meant to be positive and inspiring.

That being said here we go….

**Coming Out Blue in a Black and White World**

**By MathBlade**

Gail glanced over at Holly, happy her "friend" could be here. Sure, she introduced them to Chris and Steve, but did not mention what they were. Truth is, she didn't really know. She kissed her twice in the interrogation room, but that doesn't mean they were an item. Or does it? Gail stared occasionally at Holly and at the door, remembering the lovesick relationship Dov and Chloe had and it brought all of these questions back. Her hand over Holly's was enough for now, at least until she understood.

The nurse's voice broke the menagerie of thoughts/confusion about Holly. It was probably the first voice for a few hours. The staff sergeant, Frank, nodded rather solemnly, and then turned towards the group of officers. Some were slouching in chairs attempting to sleep and others were trying to just make small talk to distract themselves that this could be their fate.

Frank gave the order to wake everyone up. He said something about Chloe's condition and Sam's condition not changing overnight so everyone was supposed to go home, so there was some hope of protecting the people tomorrow. People started filing out like zombies, Gail included in this trance like state, until a hand squeeze hers.

"Talk to me, Gail" Holly ordered her to figure out what's going on. The pathologist was good at figuring out lab reports and things she could read, but silence didn't have markers she understood. Gail, in a rare non-snarky answer replied "I don't know Holly." She paused to try again. "I just don't know this tree I'm on. I don't know it at all."

Holly nodded, having been in a similar position in her youth. The one thing she didn't want to do was push as it doesn't really help. She knew that. As much as she wanted to drive her home and let her talk, she let go of the hand hold and separated with a quick "Good night."

The pair went home their separate ways not speaking, texting, or any other method of communicating. Gail wouldn't have known what to say anyway.

The next morning Gail found herself in parade with an ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she forgot something. No new major anything had started yet. There were a couple of windows being broken in of a couple of houses in Toronto last overnight shift and nothing was taken, but nothing that could spark an investigation. The groups were asked to keep a lookout for anything and give it to Steve as it looked to possibly be gang related. The only thing in common at each of these break-ins was a cross, overlaying the Jewish star, etched into a brick. Something the criminals were believed to use to get into the apartments/houses.

Peck ended up with desk duty and no one had been coming into 15 division. Not exactly a mystery as to why, a random shooter ended up shooting the place doesn't exactly bring for a conducive atmosphere to talk.

Reports were done and now Peck was left with snapping at everyone else in the division or just plain silence. That was until Holly came into the office. At first she was glad to see her again, worried she had messed whatever this was up. That was until she opened her mouth. "I…" Holly stammered looking at her special friend. "I need to…to file a report…"

Gail's aggressive, serious face changed seeing the confident pathologist unable to ramble. She grabbed Holly by the arm which caused a slight wince and she then let go. "Come with me." ordered Gail.

She took them into a private, unused interrogation room. Holly looked down as she took off her jacket and exposed the bandaged wound on her arm- that looked like she bandaged it herself…"So…" She started. "How does this work? Do I spill my soul? Do you just piece it together or…?" Holly started her typical rambling.

"Well, I usually stick to the facts for reports. Let's start with what happened to your arm? " Gail questioned as delicately as she could.

Eventually after tears and other issues, Holly's house was "broken into" last night just like the others. A brick was thrown into it similar to the other "break ins" that had a threat attached to it. All the people related to a new LGBT professionals group were receiving them. Most of the people were away at the time or asleep, but Holly had just gotten ready for the day and when the brick came through the window, she had not put her jacket on. When she was done trying to get through it, Gail quit writing, came across the table, and then embraced her.

She held her tightly and they whispered about nothing for what must have been a good 15-20 minutes until Gail interrupted. "I…I have to call Steve. Let him know what happened." Gail eased her way into it. "That's protocol…You ready for this?"

After a minute or two without objection, she released her grasp and then called Steve. "There's been another break in. I think this one will provide some results…Come by room C please."

Instantly, Steve knew something was up and went to room C. Inside he saw Holly's bandaged arm and the threats kept secret from the rest of the division and the media. It had become clear. There was a group of people who were intent on making LGBT people's lives miserable.

Gail wondered if just a moment, that this is what life would be like if she admitted she wanted to be Holly's girlfriend. Well, there she goes. She just admitted to herself she wanted to be Holly's plus one long term. She swallowed as she came to this realization. Unable to make this statement with words, she just kissed her on the lips again, but a chaste kiss. One of "this is what I meant to say at the hospital kiss".

"We'll figure it out…" A voice like hers came out of her mouth. "I am like a color blind dog seeing blue for the first time. Let me in to understand…"


	2. Removing Covers By Going Undercover

Thanks for the feedback all! I have/had a client I've been trying to finish up something by the end of May for them and it has been insane. I haven't forgotten about you all.

As always I do not own Rookie Blue, ABC, Global or any portion of the show this is pure fun…and maybe smut.

And as a warning this one is a bit long and wordy but I'm setting up something for chapter three. There really isn't a good "point" to end it before then so I apologize to those who think I'm not planning this out I promise there is a plan.

**Chapter Two**

The pair broke apart, both a bit bewildered. Gail, because she actually asked to be let into a relationship with someone, and Holly because it's the last thing she was raw and didn't have a clue what to expect. After about a minute of silence, Holly gave Gail a kiss on the lips back and they quickly released, but after that it went back to the awkward silence and eyes darting around the room. Holly couldn't bail and let Gail "figure it out somemore" like the last few times they kissed. There was actual police business.

Holly turned her eyes toward Gail, attempting to figure out what to say and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door opening. Steve then came back in and the room felt a little claustrophobic. Gail tugged at her sleeve collar while muttering interally _This isn't awkward at all…._

Her brother cleared his throat and looked down at the ground something he rarely did. The last time he did this, he had the difficult task of explaining he was going into the police force to a younger Gail who had bonded with him and had to get used to not seeing him around so much. Unfortunately, Gail lacking patience, as usual, snapped at him "Out with it already…"

Instead of saying anything, he flipped the light beside him. In her hurry, Gail didn't think to put an occupied sign on the viewing side of the interrogation room. A red light shined behind Holly in one of the four corners behind her. The red made her cringe and she had this feeling she fucked up. Holly gained a much worried view as she didn't see the light only the increasing panic on her quasi-girlfriend's face.

"I …uhm…" Now it was Gail's turn to be stumbling. Instead she pulled up a chair and sat next to Holly, and took her hands. "I…I outed you to the squad." She left the impression there. She didn't want to say she outed herself to the entire squad. She couldn't bring herself to say the words she's a lesbian, or bisexual, or any label really. "That light means I have to go talk to someone in the viewing room now."

Holly immediately chuckled loudly, filling the room. "Hun, they knew that when I was hired on…" Kissing her gently on the forehead, she then replied, "Best not to keep them waiting."

Unfortunately, Holly did not pick up the hidden message in that Gail outed herself. Briefly gathering her courage, she pulled her hands from Holly with a quick "Thanks" and left with Steve to the other room.

Inside was just Frank…She internally breathed a sigh of relief…If he knew Holly was gay it wouldn't be a problem for her and Holly right? She could only hope as she attempted to focus on his words. As much as she tried to focus on individual words she kept focusing on how this would impact her…How would he take to her being whatever she was? Would he be okay with it? Is this how coming out felt every time? A bit of nausea came up as she heard her name…

"Gail you okay with that?" Frank probed when Gail didn't snark back as he had earlier went off subject. He sensed something was off.

Trapped between a rock and a hard place, she didn't want to admit she wasn't listening but didn't want to agree with utter bullshit either. "Is that an order sir?" She tried to hedge her bets.

Frank didn't buy it however. "Really Peck? I'd order you to send a thousand air balloons to China?"

Obviously caught, Gail didn't say a word at first, but then just muttered something about her head being elsewhere, she didn't remember what exactly. Frank nodded as he realized that she must truly like Holly to comfort her with a kiss he saw in the interrogation room and to be this distracted. Other people would probably be giving her a hard enough time soon enough, he should know, he has a gay cousin. He just never talked about it as his cousin didn't want to be out to the world. Instead of razzing Gail for lack of attention skills, he decided she'd be good for the undercover mission he had in mind as it would involve having to talk about your feelings. Maybe then Gail of old would be back. "If you can focus, there's a mission we want you to take on. Steve will fill you and Holly in. "

"Me and Holly? But she's not a cop, she's a pathologist." Gail replied puzzled…Why would Holly have to know about the undercover operation? It was no use, Frank had left the room. Gail guessed he had already explained that.

Steve tapped Gail lightly on the shoulder…"I'll repeat..But you owe me a beer." After a pause he pushed open the door and said, "Come with me back to the room so I don't repeat twice."

When the trio reunited, Steve went over the details. They needed to figure out who was hurting the LGBT professionals in Toronto. They figured it was some networking or some obvious connection to a main LGBT hub. Holly's attack made it obvious which one was likely, "Freedom To Live" also known as FTL. It met here in Toronto and discussed issues LGBT professionals faced and helped to tackle them so they could live with more freedom. Someone had to go undercover and pretend to be LGBT at the next conference. The squad knew Gail was being friends with Holly, but Steve kept Gail's admission close to the vest. Especially since he didn't know if Chris understood.

"But then why are you telling both of us?" Responded Gail a little bit too quickly, like she wanted to run…Why hadn't she paid attention in there?! The last thing she wanted to do was wave a PRIDE flag around.

Holly now finally began to see Gail was frightened and subconsciously didn't want to put the pieces together…She was literally being forced to put a label on things and to figure out how they'd interact. The cops monitoring have to know what to expect. If Gail should go in alone or if Holly would be at her side. If they had to monitor two people instead of one. "Steve...I'm a bit thirsty could you get me a water?"

"You could use clean bandages too…I'll see what I can find." Steve took the hint and excused himself.

Gail had only about fifty million questions running around in her head and her voice sounded almost frantic, very un-Gail. She also kept looking around at the four corners of the room much like a cat. "Is this what coming out is like every time? I usually don't care but this is gossip central and your arm…" She looked down at it, not wanting to get beat up for someone who she was starting to accept who she was.

_Bisexual._ The word rang in her head like a gong, but really didn't want a label on it at all. I mean what if she's just "experimenting"?

Noticing Gail was back in her head again, Holly said one word "Tree." Gail could run, Holly would understand it, but life gave her an out. There was a ladder to get down from the tree. They only knew each other for about a week or two and it would be way too early to force a label or any sort of relationship on Gail. The one word was her out.

"I don't know." Gail mused…Instantly she was back in the same feeling she had in the hospital. She didn't know what it meant to be a bisexual or lesbian person. Men were easy..It was just sex and very little connection. It was about relieving need rather than true emotion. When it became something more than that, she cheated. She ran from intimacy from men. Gail didn't know why and hated the pressure.

Her eyes roamed Holly's to get her sense of openness and a new feeling of camaraderie and concern washed over her. She wanted nothing to hurt Holly. To have that hurt arm herself. She wanted to touch it slightly and embrace her and instead she said "How about we just be honest about it?" She proposed to the older scientist, "That we just say you're important to me and helping me understand."

It was at that point, all too convenient Steve came in with bandages and water and a camera. "We have to take pictures…" He stated flatly and Holly finally saw the red light in the room and ignored it. Holly knew he watched and waited for a good time to interrupt. _A supporter._

"This is gonna hurt, lunchbox." Gail warned her as she held her arm in place. Steve ripped off the bandage and the wound looked rather ugly to Holly. Flashes soon enveloped the next 5 minutes of her life and Holly felt exposed. She had never been a victim before and hated the new feeling. Gail's hand wrapped around hers and thought it was out of pity. She was empowered damn it! Not someone to make raw with pictures in a file for everyone to stare at it. For a moment she thought this was a mistake, but then it was finally over and Gail's hand stayed. "What no snark?" She attempted to bring back the sassy humor that is normally found between the two, to prevent Gail from seeing her somewhat broken. 

Gail was more than happy to provide it as she didn't want the nerd to see her wavering on her commitment in her head. "No nerd, not all of us are wordsmiths like you."

Steve held in a smile, these two were trying…A hell of a lot more than Gail tried in her prior relationships. "So shall we get down to business?"

It was eventually decided after the three of them joked around. Gail would end up attending the mini conference as Holly's plus one. Label-less for now, but from a cop perspective they'd enter and leave together.

The hard part was the paperwork. She couldn't figure out what her name would be, her occupation anything. Gail, the snappiest person, who gave the most nicknames was stuck.

After a Steve nor Gail came up with anything, Holly suggested "Katherine Taylor". Soon Steve stole the pen from Gail and wrote it in…Gail was now Katherine. "Look, this way now I can call you Kat." The meaning, not lost on Gail, made any potential words dissolve into laughter. Ms. Taylor was a budding artist. Gail hadn't mentioned her love of art to almost anyone as she thought she was bad at it, but there wasn't enough time to get her an in with a corp and well sports, or other butchy things, were out of the question.

About thirty minutes later they were done, and Steve explained that all three of them would need to leave to set up Katherine fast enough…That meant moving bare necessities to the cramped emergency undercover apartment which hopefully would hold her art supplies. Her fingers ran across the flier that said it welcomed anyone, wondering if that was actually true given the attacks. If she set up her questions to get mocked at and laughed at in front of Division 15.

Gail drove out to her apartment in her big, black Chevy truck, followed by Holly in her sedan and Steve in his SUV. Soon the musketeers ended up at Gail's apartment and she realized she hasn't cleaned. She was a wreck after the hospital and didn't know if she cleaned up too well after the ice cream and rom com fest she had to try to figure out her Holly feelings. _Too late for that now._ The cop quickly found a parking spot in the apartment complex and rushed to the front door and entered to try to tidy it up as quick as possible. Thankfully she had cleaned up somehow, and there was no need to rush. Although now she was panicking about why she needed to rush as if she had to impress Holly and why did she have to do that…The doorbell brought her out of her menagerie and she opened it to find Holly and Steve standing there in the doorway. "Come in…" She replied.

Steve had been over numerous times before and remembered the minimalistic décor. Holly was not though. It was almost as if Gail didn't want anything concrete. The only personal touches were the art all over the walls. The pub artwork behind the couch drew her attention. It was a realistic painting of the pub that the group usually frequents with everything to scale except for an enlarged chair in the right hand side of the frame extending from the top to the bottom of the frame. The invitation symbolism was not lost. While being minimalistic, Gail wanted an inviting place.

With almost no time lost at all the bed, sheets, some clothes, her TV, and toiletries were packed away. "The computer?" Holly asked.

To which Gail countered, "Leave it. Can't have anything with personal logins. I'm lucky cable and electric are set up at the emergency apartment." Now that the expected stuff was done, Gail encroached on her studio in her apartment. None of her prior boyfriends or even Steve were ever let in here. This was hers and no one ever questioned it. Now she has to let Holly in…Her mind almost went too soon, but she'd be seeing it in the new cramped apartment anyway.

Upon entering, Holly and Steve saw what looked almost to be a collegiate art classroom with a line of art drying on the rack and easels with some charcoal, some pencil sketches on the desk…Like Gail did a lot of art with different mediums and could never find what stuck. All of it was breathtaking. The pencil stuff was the easiest to move, and the stuff she never tried to use in an exhibition, so away it went quickly, but gently into a spare art portfolio.

All was set except for one bit…Her hair. She needed a change since she was going undercover but didn't really know what…What did lesbian look like? She thought she had a clue before she met Holly but now it could be anything. Flipping through the pages, she kept finding a lot of things that weren't "her".

The silence between the two of them was annoying..Steve hated being in a salon and was just playing with his phone and just watching the door so his silence was expected, not Holly's. "Trying to solve all the world's problems nerd?" She poked at Holly to try to break the ice.

"No just enjoying you trying to be femme for once…When was the last time you even had your hair cut anyway?" Holly quipped.

Soon they fell into her their bantery style and then Gail asked what she'd recommend….And Holly got into her deep sexy voice and whispered into Gail's ear…"The sexiest hairstyle is …." She paused to blow on her ear intentionally, "confidence." Leaning back into one of the chairs, Holly grinned at the younger cop.

With those words, Gail had the bravery to try the short cut she wanted for a while. Holly excused herself and Steve to wait outside and about 20 minutes later Gail came out with a bit of a swagger and extremely short hair that framed her face.

_Damn she took it to heart. _Holly cupped Gail's face and for the first time, really kissed the blonde, the new look stirring something deep within her. Gail reciprocated and pretty soon their tongues danced and Steve just walked back to his car, opting to try not to stare at them. When they needed air, Gail's eyes widened as if that was her first true deep kiss.

"See you Thursday, Kat." Holly then exited just as she had every time before then, and like always Gail didn't chase as she had things to figure out before the conference on Thursday and places to go solo for Kat's alias, even though every bone in her body screamed for her to follow and continue. But since she didn't, the caravan made sure Holly got home safe then Kat to her new address.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the feedback all! And here comes the next installment! As a warning this is a medium burn. Not slow, but don't expect an immediate get together. This chapter is mostly Gail pov based on some feedback.

I'm also an American trying to write some Canadian lines so if I mix them up all of my friends are in the US. Please feel free to leave me a message if I need to correct someone's speech. P.S. So disappointed I can't see the premiere here…We were supposed to get it close to the same time then ABC pushed it back! *Campaign for Global in the US*

If anything deviates from the show that airs on Global I won't be able to include it. So at this point it becomes "AU". It's not that I don't want to follow canon I just can't as I don't know what it is. And if you spoil me in a review shame on you! All I really know is Gail cut her hair.

And yes I know lag between chapters is a bitch. I'm currently going through some personal stuff right now sorry.

**Chapter Three**

The next two days were insane. Steve and Holly would have gone over the backstory in more detail and practice, but Gail couldn't talk to Holly at all. No nerds, no lunchboxes, no anything. It was quite simple. 'Kat' recently moved to Toronto to get away from a pretty shitty life back home and went into a coffee shop for coffee one day. Holly was there getting her usual before running some DNA back at the lab. Sometimes she needed the little boost to get through the day. The duo talked and bonded over her art and when Holly came out to 'Kat', 'Kat' mentioned that she wasn't quite sure who she was sexually and invited her to come to the conference.

The one exception in communication was a quick text just to make sure Holly and Kat had a "pre-established" friendship. Gail/Kat shot off a quick text. "Hey. Thanks for checking out the artwork. I had to get a new phone number…My old phone drowned. I'll explain on Thursday. – Kat"

When Holly responded and thanked her for it, Gail wanted to flirt make things easier, but had to restrain herself. Her cover didn't allow for them to already be flirting…They were figuring it out, whether they were friends or something more. If Kat seemed comfortable flirting with Holly this would be a problem. Gail really was and then she wasn't…Gail was being a Kat.

In true Kat fashion, Gail/Kat had to show up right on time or a minute or two late for this conference deal. Holly on the other hand being the punctual nerd she is showed up 10 minutes early with a hot coffee for Gail. It was just lucky that the concrete wasn't carpet or Holly probably would have burned a hole through it. Gail took the coffee and flashed back to 15 division when she brought the coffee for random repeats. It got even worse when Holly asked "You know couldn't you have shown up faster?"

It felt as if Gail/Kat was being played with. _Two can play at that game._ "Sure I'll just rush the Toronto transit system that stopped me from parking my ride. It couldn't be important. How good are you at reprogramming 25 trains to make sure people get where they need to go on time?" The instant Gail/Kat said this, she regretted it. She knew Holly was smart and deserved better than that, but was reverting back to when they first met.

Holly blocked a small chuckle from escaping her mouth. "No is an acceptable answer." Holly replied rather stiffly and pointed in the general direction of the library would happen. "C'mon Kat. The conference is this way."

Each time Gail/Kat walked up the marble stairs into the offices, she just felt wrong. Like this was too prim and proper a place for her. Like she was about to walk into one of her mom's famous social death traps. This place was fit for modern day royalty or the Koch brothers. "Oh my god." Gail/Kat's mind was blown as she looked around the rich atmosphere. Some of these pieces of art and sculptures were worth more than her monthly salary. _Just a hint of cubism here…The decorator has nice taste._

"Don't get used to it Van Gogh…The place changes. It rotates based on who is the host." The duo entered the elevator and Gail/Kat felt underdressed even though she wore sleek off label blue dress with a large tie in front and a small heel. It looked like Holly on the other hand was completely comfortable as if she had just stepped out of work and came here. She looked like a stunning natural. Like she belonged. Nervously, Gail/Kat brushed her hand against her hip trying to find the right place to put her hands. Elaine quizzed her in her youth on what was "right" but it never felt "right" as she kept wondering if she'd break one of the elite rules.

Holly could do nothing to physically comfort Gail/Kat and it drove her crazy. Holding her hand or kissing her lips would be out of the question. A kiss on the lips to stop her body ramble would be great but she couldn't risk the camera catching them. She finally broke and commented, "It will be fine Kat. It's a lot more laid back than what it is here. Don't go climbing any trees or anything."

Gail/Kat finally was able to grab the railing when the elevator dinged on the floor and the duo went into a large conference room with about 20 or 30 other professionals from Toronto. A man with a business suit stood at the front entrance greeted them with a friendly smile and his flaming voice seemed to be in discord with the professional attire he wore. "Holly! Welcome back? And who is this lovely creature? " She expected someone with his voice to be a fashion designer or some shit like that. After which she immediately scolded herself internally. _Why am I being so jugmental of a guy I haven't met?_

"This would be my friend Kat." Holly gestured to her "friend" as she looked into her eyes.

The host smiled broadly, "Marvelous, just marvelous." His grin got larger as he pointed out the forms. "If you would please fill these out …It will only take a second." Gail/Kat's eyebrow rose. They filled out paperwork for this thing, why wouldn't they already have it?

"And why would I do that? Didn't I already fill out enough?" Gail/Kat prodded the eager gentleman in front of her.

"Because this information helps you to find the right companion group. See each time we meet we have these small groups we talk to and it can get awkward if the right mix of people isn't there. For this time you'll go with Holly, but we like to ensure people come back." He calmly explained. But Holly and Rick both knew there was an ulterior motive. If people had to answer questions about sexual orientation or what their biggest goals were out of the conference, some people would never come because they'd be scared of writing it down, but being dragged by a friend they'd at least listen even if they didn't fill it out.

Gail/Kat's gut spoke to her and told her something was off about this. Normally she'd say no and follow Holly or try to bug out, but she needed to try to be obvious here at the conference. "Oh..uhm…alright." She tried to play it off as hesitant. "I'll see you in a second?"

Picking up one of the clipboards, Gail/Kat read it but didn't have a clue what most of these words meant. Her eyes blazed an imaginary hole in the paper for a few minutes. She had done some brief research on google but apparently of the wrong terms. Words like omnisexual, pansexual, and intersex threw her for a loop. For the orientation column Gail added a box and called it "Me". A lot of these questions she didn't have a clue how to answer and so she bullshitted the rest or skipped it where she could to try to appear confident. Setting it on the counter where Rick used to be, she put on her "I know what the fuck I'm talking about smile" and rejoined Holly and the group of fast friends was already talking.

A muscular man in a blazer and blue jeans teased Holly. "Maybe one of these days we will see you end up crushing on a woman who isn't straight or experimenting." That hurt Gail/Kat but she blew it off. She had to. Apparently Holly talked about their budding relationship/non-relationship/whatever it was with people she never met. Gail didn't do that. She didn't even know there was a relationship to do that with.

"Not tonight Jake." Holly rebuffed him to which the man countered, "Awww….But I like a love story."

Gail/Kat chuckled a bit, one of her secret likes was a good romance story. She'd never admit it but the Notebook made her cry. "So you have a significant other, Hol?" Kat elbowed Holly in the ribs. "How come you never told me about her?"

Holly got saved by Rick who moved up to the front of the room with a microphones in hand. "Today we have a few newcomers so we will stick to small groups today. Everyone break out and introduce yourselves if new people and get started."

Soon the people began to disperse and lucky for her there were only 5 in her group including herself and Holly. Gail introduced her usual snark to cut the tension. "How does this thing work? Do we sit in a corner and sing Kumbayah?"

Heather, a butch American girl, in a t-shirt and jeans caught on pretty quick, "No, sometimes it's Christina Aguilera's 'Rock Your Body'" She lengthened out the last part and Gail/Kat could have sworn she was being checked out. Heather then clarified, in a thick Portland accent, "It's whatever you want. We sit and talk about our experiences and help each other out. Sometimes it's about being an ally or what is appropriate in certain circumstances. It can get pretty serious about work issues and how to handle them or it can be laid back teasing and have popcorn and snacks and chill." She paused for a moment and added. "The most important thing is you leave a little better than when you came in and leave someone else better too."

_Sounds like group therapy…bleh…Or friends..I got enough of those to razz on me. _ Mused Gail/Kat inside her head. "C'mon" Holly gave her a verbal push. "You promised to give it a shot. "

"Fine," acquiesced Gail/Kat. "But I am not going first." Each member of the clique scooted into chairs and got comfortable. Usually when there was a newbie it took a while to get them adjusted.

"Got you covered. I'm Jake Anders " Jake immediately picked up the front speaker role. His words were captivating and entered into her soul and it turns out not everyone that goes to things is gay. Gail/Kat was shocked. The advertisement was true that it did invite everyone. Gail/Kat relaxed her shoulders for a bit. "I have a coworker we call him Jinks because he's clumsy and has the worst of luck finally brought his boyfriend over to a team party last Friday. When he first joined the firm he was nervous about bringing a significant other around. Just whenever anyone asked 'she' was always busy. " He put up his hands in air quotes for emphasis. "Pretty soon people stopped asking but it sounded a lot like a friend of mine's gay friend who had a similar story so I came here to try to figure out what I was doing wrong to not make it inviting. And now he's starting to open up to us. So success story! "

The group clapped and Gail/Kat decided to suck it up and just get this over with. "Hi I'm Kathryn Taylor, but everyone calls me Kat." When no one interrupted her she continued on. "I guess well the reason I'm here is because I don't really have a clue on how to label myself. I know there's labels like lesbian, bisexual, and about a billion ones on that form, but how does someone truly know?" She paused. "I keep trying to find romance with men like what's expected of me but it doesn't work. The sex is good but there never is really a deeper connection. On the contrast with women it's like there's this spark, but except for a few women I've never really looked at a woman _that _way, except maybe one or two, let alone slept with one." She put emphasis on the pronoun because she didn't the connection between women and sex to be so close. The further the better. The world felt like it was on fire from every word she spoke and she picked up a nearby unopened water bottle, took a sip and then asked, "So what is like normal here? Am I bi? A lesbian now? What am I?"

"I don't think it's quite that simple as a label and we couldn't even tell you if we wanted to. Labels change and evolve. People have a natural rhythm in life that they have to find. Have you heard of the L-word?"

Gail/Kat shook her head no. "Give me your phone." Heather demanded. Nervously, Gail unlocked her phone and handed it to Heather. The woman seemed to be a wiz because not 60 seconds later she handed it back and Gail/Kat noticed a YouTube video was paused. "When you get a chance watch it. It should help make things clearer about being label less. I think you'll like Shane. She's one of the more insightful characters in the show. "

Once Gail/Kat put her phone back in her pocket, Holly added, "I accepted the label lesbian for myself because I never really wanted to have sex with anyone. At first I thought maybe there was something scientifically wrong with me and as a teenager I brought it up as a potential issue with my doctor. She told me not to rush love and be prepared for when it does hit. My grade 13 year I met someone who was able to distract me from the science classes I loved so much. She felt more important than anything I had. My teacher noticed I had been zoned out in class and my grades dropped to a B so they called my parents in for the drug talk. Needless to say I had a hard time explaining so things got awkward in the Stewart household. That's when I knew."

Everyone burst out in laughter including Gail/Kat once Jake started it. When everything settled back down and it got quiet, Heather summarized, "Our Holly is a little rambler when she's nervous. Just be yourself. Whatever word you want to use at the right time will happen. The label finds you. You don't find the label. So who's the girl?"

Gail/Kat turned bright read and shoot her head no and in a brief, rare moment of shyness brought her head to the floor, "No…no girl. Not seeing anyone at the moment..I just sometimes look and wonder. It's a curiosity thing…" She tried not to look at Holly but her eyes betrayed her and found themselves roaming up the legs, torso, neck, and stopping in her gorgeous chesnut eyes. Her words got lost during that. Eventually she felt a hand shake her shoulder.

"Kat, we lost you for a minute. " Heather commented.

Kat attempted a recovery "Sorry I was flashing back to the first woman I ever kissed. But that is a story for another time."

Thankfully everyone let it go. Mostly Gail/Kat got lost in her own thoughts while Marco, a Hispanic man, was telling his story of how to ask if someone is LGBT. Thank God she was wearing a small recorder and would be able to listen to whatever it was later. When Holly's spoke it brought her back.

"Don't do it." Holly offered. "You wouldn't ask anyone hey? What's your religion? What's your IQ? Your shoe size. These details are personal. They will share them with ready. If you're asking because you want to date someone, just ask them out. If they aren't interested they'd let you know. Just like a straight person. The more we act like being LGBT is normal, it will be treated as normal. Because well...it is…scientifically. And science does have some bonding capabilities..." She let her last words drone on a little bit...almost like a smooth dip trying to lure Gail/Kat in if she didn't know better.

"You tease!" Jake hollered back. "Sooo how's Officer Blonde? The two steps forward one step back woman. You know we ship you right? There's fanfiction…"

Holly retreated in her chair slightly "Oh God…"

"Now this I have to hear! You can tell me or I can always hear from Jake…" Gail/Kat taunted Holly.

Holly sighed…"Fine…But only if you let me look at your secret art portfolio. You know the one you never let me look at?"

Gail/Kat perked up at the sight she would get to hear about this from Holly's own mouth; her heart raced and she gripped the edge of her chair. "Deal. Now start talking. I love a good romance."

Holly's eyes darkened as she looked at Gail/Kat. Steve had told her the night before that part of keeping a good cover is lying as little as possible. So much intrigued her about Kat from this evening but how much of it was real? Holly didn't know if she'd learn the difference or if there was…But the Kat woman before her was very attractive.

"I got called out to a crime scene and ran into a very sexy Officer Blonde. " Holly never said she wasn't going to get pleasure out of torturing the undercover officer in her seat. It was like she was trying to give Gail/Kat the female equivalent of blue balls. Gail/Kat knew when they kissed and every sentence and word Holly prolonged it. By the time she finally got to the hug at the hospital and the hand holding, the entire group was glued onto her every word.

"And then…" Gail asked keeping cover.

Holly frowned. "Nothing."

Heather's interest piqued up. "What do you mean nothing?"

"Exactly that…She told me she had to go to undercover…We wouldn't be able to talk or anything. " The pain in Holly's eyes resonated with Gail. Now she understood why married couples rarely did undercover work. She always joked about equal opportunity for everyone but seeing the pain in her girlfriend's eyes she understood. _Wait…back that train up! Girlfriend?! Awww shit. Gail Peck you have fallen for this woman and can't tell a soul._

Jake, a not so hidden romantic commented, "Awww but c'mon. This is one small hiccup in your fairy tale. I can tell you are meant for great things."

"Not if Kat can't keep her eyes off of Holly." Heather quipped. Gail gave her the patented "look of death" perfected over many years of sarcastic bliss. _Damn…I hope I didn't blow this on day one. _ "I was just teasing…God. "

The group wrapped up and everyone exited and went their separate ways. Gail/Kat wanted to talk to Holly longer but it wasn't in character. She almost got busted by staring at Holly just a little too long. The last thing she wanted was to let Holly go and she guessed the feeling was mutual as the walk to their cars was dreadfully slow. Unfortunately maybe they should have been a little bit faster.

All four tires on Gail's/Kat's car were slashed and there was a note pressed between the windshield wiper blade and the shield itself. Gail opened it with trepidation and saw the familiar symbol from before come up. The cross and Jewish star intermixed like before. In black block print generic text read 'Homosexuality in humans is unscientific and unnatural. Humans only learn they have sinned through pain. Continue down this road you, your family, and those you care about will feel your shame. Good luck getting home dyke wanna be.'

Emotions flooded Gail. She wanted to be safe. The note looked generic. But she had to make sure Holly didn't get one too. Maybe she just forgot…with her arm and all. She didn't want to believe her girlfriend would lie to her. Reaching up she quickly turned off her mic and then her own. "Anything you want to tell me Hols?"

Holly sighed knowing this was going to hurt. "I got a generic note too and so did the other three victims. It was worded exactly like the others. Yours is different."

Gail didn't know what to do. The perfect woman hid something from her. "But why not tell me? I thought you trusted me."

"I do. It's just that your reaction had to be authentic according to Steve if you were a victim. The bravado you when you know it's coming you shake it off and have a plan B. None of us expected this. Granted all of the others were home break ins and yours a car, but Steve told me it had to be real. I'm sorry I won't do that again…"

Gail gulped angry at her brother, at the situation, at everything. "Damn it….Yes you will Holly. It's the right thing to do." Gail turned on the mics again and then spoke the code word to wake up the guys in the van. "Tree"

Holly was not prepared for what happened next.


End file.
